So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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