I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
