you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
