"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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