guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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