i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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