facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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