can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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