If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
