how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
