The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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