what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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