I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Text me some of your sweat
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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