Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
