Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
did you just send me my own nude
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
