mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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