Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
