After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
