She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
