My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize