He uses pillows to masturbate.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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