I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
