marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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