i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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