My first STD was from a foam party
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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