C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
