I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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