my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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