I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
