Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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