I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
