I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
did you just send me my own nude
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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