try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
