what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
two words: eviction party
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
