Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my shit smells like andre
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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