Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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