Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
