he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
