I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish my penis had a tongue
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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