I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
