Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
