just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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