i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
