I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
