wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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