i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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