All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
