if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize