So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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