Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
