i can't believe i had my finger in that
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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