wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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