the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
