wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
They have beer where we have blood.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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