That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
