Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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