Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
