the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
