So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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