I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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