Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
