Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
