We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I forget how to act sober
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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