i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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