ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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