C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
