He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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