i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
