When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
