every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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