im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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