sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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