his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
