The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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