yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
