the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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