Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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