Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I look better un-naked...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
