Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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